i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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