I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
