I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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