did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
