Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
