He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
