I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
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