i need an iv and a liver transplant
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
