How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just forgot I was standing up.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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