You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
She's just so happy...and so naked.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
