respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
