Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
