is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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