A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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