Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
