So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
