The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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