Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
