I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Every concussion has its silver lining
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
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