Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
