K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
