I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
