I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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