Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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