If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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