The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
