And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I woke up under a house in Key West
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
