Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
