Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
