No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
