on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
