i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize