Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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