New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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