He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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