I bet he comes in French.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
