I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
