Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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