I smell stomach acid.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
