My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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