i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
