I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
