walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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