i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
