It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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