I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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