So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
