I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
