So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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