do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
