We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
