cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
