Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
