Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
