The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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