Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
