so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
