don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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