Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
