We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
