I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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