You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
