quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
