could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
