I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
