I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Come see our sink grown plant.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
