There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
