I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Drunk walkin through police station. America
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
