He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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