i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
well, you know. whores of a feather.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
