i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
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