don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
it glows. i had to have it.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
