Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Someone came in the potted fern
Randomize
