we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
