I am in a vortex of obligation.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
