Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
