He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize