so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
this boner is exhausting
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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