the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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