Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Randomize
