Christians are straight up FREAKS
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
