Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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