Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
