Already got asked if we're dating
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
