Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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