Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
