Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
