When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
