I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
this will be a night to untag.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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