Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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