Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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