he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
