remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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