Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize
