my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
