I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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