I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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