you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
