I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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