We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
