i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
please come you make the beer taste better
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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