I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
well you can't waste a boner
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
My ATM looks so different sober.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
