i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
