NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
