I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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