Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
