"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize